Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
