Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
