one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
