i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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