my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize