Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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