He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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