Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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