i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
