my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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