hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think people are normalizing furries
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
