I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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