As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
