i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
