it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
4 words: hood of his car
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your penis caused this!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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