I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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