no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
