is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
