the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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