im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
