I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
