I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
