dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
