I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
