I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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