stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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