I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
