I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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