My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
