Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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