can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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