Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
PANTIES FOUND
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