yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
