I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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