saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
