I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
