so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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