She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
