I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize