fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
