My friends, they love my intelligence
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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