is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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