I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
