They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
