My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
