Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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