I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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