you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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