well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
