I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
