wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
