If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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