i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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