im drinking this country out of the recession.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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