I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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