grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
