You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.