We're facebook friends in real life
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal