Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on

(384): View more from

How come?

(312): View more from Illinois

Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message

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(312): You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on (384): How come? (312): Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message http://tfl.nu/r9u6

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(651): View more from Minnesota

What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

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(651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4

Replies (49) Good night (732) Bad night (4026)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.

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(618): I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out. http://tfl.nu/syqz

Replies (47) Good night (772) Bad night (5300)
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(301): View more from Maryland

the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

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(301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements. http://tfl.nu/23am

Replies (39) Good night (8536) Bad night (1131)
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(713): View more from Texas

Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

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(713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs

Replies (9) Good night (5500) Bad night (963)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.

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(724): you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles. http://tfl.nu/nryc

Replies (5) Good night (2791) Bad night (1051)
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(815): View more from Illinois

i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot

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(815): i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot http://tfl.nu/m7cq

Replies (4) Good night (1169) Bad night (3054)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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(270): Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer. http://tfl.nu/zy1n

Replies (5) Good night (1622) Bad night (1330)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING

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(517): I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING http://tfl.nu/fw3v

Replies (8) Good night (1521) Bad night (816)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??

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(701): i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this?? http://tfl.nu/hqqq

Replies (8) Good night (770) Bad night (1269)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea

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(613): Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea http://tfl.nu/b2wl

Replies (6) Good night (502) Bad night (865)
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(425): View more from Washington

So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

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(425): So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height. http://tfl.nu/0pmh

Replies (10) Good night (691) Bad night (409)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat

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(321): This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat http://tfl.nu/jdal

Replies (0) Good night (787) Bad night (454)
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(301): View more from Maryland

He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.

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(301): He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement. http://tfl.nu/k539

Replies (0) Good night (343) Bad night (790)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority

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(506): I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority http://tfl.nu/l5i9

Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (342)

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