I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it