Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize