you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.