So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.