Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
