My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
