I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize