My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
