There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
