it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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