...so i touched it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
