Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
