mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
