Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
