i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just cropdusted the office
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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