Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
