Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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