There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
